I apologize for the lack of posts on my blog this year. There has been quite a bit of instability in my life, and I lost the drive to write and interact with you all. I have been feeling less sorry for myself recently and dabbling again, and I am prepared to share my thoughts once more. Thank you for continuing to check in on this blog :)
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They brew below the surface, springing to attention at the slightest temptation and demotivating encounter. They're on your Instagram feed when you wake up in the morning, nestled in between motivational memes and pictures of enterprising followers on yet another life-changing international trip. They're on your favorite Spotify playlist disguised by a beat so hot, you yell "lit" at every break. They're in the voices of family members when they speak to you after X amount of time and still don't see the progress they anticipate.
Toxic thoughts can be sparked by anything; they poison you like the venom of the most poisonous snake and breed faster than rabbits.
They start off as simple observations: you're gaining weight; your hair won't cooperate; you have not accomplished anything today; you wonder when that job opportunity will come? You think, "If I could fix or do just one of those things, I may feel better". But one turns into three and three becomes an endless list of insecurities and challenges. So you bury those thoughts and try to distract yourself, always uncomfortable that somebody may notice that your usual confident demeanor is just a mask.
They turn into unhealed wounds, which turn into missed opportunities, and evolve into a brokenness that interferes in seeking and finding personal joy and peace. You blame others and neglect a Higher Power, convinced that God must have been busy with everyone else while you were whispering your hopes and disappointments; unable to admit that you were already given the requisite tools to be a winner.
What's the good news here? There is a solution to the problem, but it requires admission, acceptance and bottomless courage. Don't be afraid to explore the source of the toxins. You have to identify the reasons you doubt your beauty and qualities, and choose to no longer allow them to feed your spirit. "Friends" who focus on negativity? Block them. Social media images and messages that affect your self-esteem? Abandon them. The harsh words that slip from your lips to hurt other people? It's due to bitterness and jealousy. Replace them with words of empowerment and affirmation. Realize your worth and gifts to the world.
Once you begin to nourish your mind with positive messages, you will begin to notice the change in your perspective. There’s a direct causation between the information you take in and their manifestation. So, cleanse your spirit and detoxify your perceptions. Your present self will be quick to rely on old habits but your future self will thank you for it.